Sometimes what feels like a storm is nothing more than a light drizzle, even though it puts a damper on things, and may make you cancel some plans it's not as bad as it could be.

I've been aching a lot lately, but I've been putting it aside. There's a constant pang. Like the feeling you get when you miss a step, or you don't realise you're stepping off the curb...That feeling you get when a car dips in the middle of the road - a sudden reminder that something that should be there just isn't.

I've been doing all the things I should be doing. Job hunting, apartment hunting, DMV booklet studying, errand running, bus hopping, caretaking...looking for places to volunteer on days when I'm not doing anything else...and on top of that, trying to read that damn book, and write articles as well as pieces of my projects. And through all of it, I feel a sting.

I feel you when I'm not trying to - in fact, when I'm trying to do the opposite. I meditated with a candle I annointed myself, and I felt what you were sending out. I tried to sleep a couple days ago, and felt you want to tell me things and according to AIM logged on mere minutes after you did. I've had dreams so vivid, so heartbreakingly vivid, that they feel real - and I haven't had those since......

And on top of it all, I see a pattern - the pattern that made me need to write this out.

The November Rain...

...leads to the Cold of December...

...And nothing Changes on New Years Day.

And then there's June - repeating itself.

It took a lot to figure this one out.
It was difficult to notice - even harder to see.

But here's the thing....
I can See agin.

See

And I know that in time, for that's the only thing stopping it, will show you what I see.
But when the time comes, you'll be ready - We both will....We all will.
Because all the right things will happen, with the right amount of work, and effort.

So I hold my Black Rose close to my heart, saving it for the proper moment,
because as someone told me recently -
"Time's a funny thing."

I love you.

Before the Storm...

I came here - I know not why my fingers typed the address to this place, but they did - to write down something that sparked suddenly in my head.

But When I came to my blog I realised it had been exactly a year since I've posted her. Exactly.
Perhaps it is because only a handful of people know I write here....and of that handful, I doubt any of them still check up on this seemingly abandoned section of my brain.. It's not that I don't want to be read, I do. But I also want to want to be read. I want to be sought out, not show up unwanted. I want people to truly want to hear what I have to say, because oftentimes I just ramble on...and sing my song....met with a roll of the eyes, an unneeded lecture, or pity, when all I wanted, nay, needed, was to be given advice, or maybe just to feel like I'm not being ignored - Not even that sometimes! Sometimes it's just desperation for a conversation.

But that's not why I came here today.

This Blog is so out of the way, so hidden...Possibly forgotten. If I didn't want this to be read I would set the settings to "Private." Perhaps what I need to say needs to be found, or read at the right moment. Maybe that's why I was driven here by whatever powers that be....

But there's something that needs saying.

And this was just the calm...before the storm.