Time, time, time, see whats become of me.........
Time, time, time, see whats become of me
While I looked around
For my possibilities
I was so hard to please
But look around, leaves are brown
And the sky is a hazy shade of Winter
Hear the salvation army band
Down by the riverside, its bound to be a better ride
Than what you've got planned
Carry your cup in your hand
And look around, leaves are brown
And the sky is a hazy shade of Winter
Hang on to your hopes, my friend
That's an easy thing to say, but if your hopes should pass away
Simply pretend
That you can build them again
Look around, the grass is high
The fields are ripe, its the springtime of my life
Ahhh, seasons change with the scenery
Weaving time in a tapestry
Won't you stop and remember me
At any convenient time
Funny how my memory slips while looking over manuscripts
Of unpublished rhyme
Drinking my vodka and lime
But look around, leaves are brown now
And the sky is a hazy shade of Winter
Look around, leaves are brown
There's a patch of snow on the ground...
Look around, leaves are brown
There's a patch of snow on the ground...
Look around, leaves are brown
There's a patch of snow on the ground...
(Paul Simon)
Sunday, November 25, 2007
Sunday, October 21, 2007
Ce N'est Pas une...Child?
I'm officially an adult, aren't I? I'm doing nothing this year, festivity wise and....I'm fine with it? I grew up fast...I usually couldn't wait for Hallowe'en, to trick or treat...and now I'm content giving out candy in costume at the Hallowe'en store. That and deciding I'm not going to do anything for my birthday? *Smirks* I guess when enough people tell you to "grow up" you just kinda do, right?
In other News: I truly miss Mike Byington, for he is awesome. Upon watching one of his (ultimatewannabe) youtube videos I was thrown into a sad realisation that I may never see him again, except through Circus....and that's even if he continues. Sad Bekah.
In other News: I truly miss Mike Byington, for he is awesome. Upon watching one of his (ultimatewannabe) youtube videos I was thrown into a sad realisation that I may never see him again, except through Circus....and that's even if he continues. Sad Bekah.
Monday, October 8, 2007
BEKAH WAS A BRUNETTE...OR...Else she was an ex brunette...or maybe she was just a red head!
But she was stillBekaaaaaaaaaahhhh!
So, yes, lookit!
So, I put it all in my hair!
It was a lot more to deal with than I thought it would be...
Heh....
But it was a lot of fun!
And I "Worked it in to my hair"
as the box told me to do....
Must obey the taco man....
Laaaa
Diiiiiii
Daaah!
"Leave in hair for....
...20 - 40 minutes...?"
*siiigh*
*plays with stuff*
*hopes*
Hehehe....
And that's why they call *me* Moses...
I may not *Save* on the river,
But I can totally turn the sea into blood...
"...Und I did!"
Heh, and this is what happens when*I* get a hold of the camera.
Is teh suck.
Picture taking, not the hair...I loveses the hair.
*Filler*
This is what
It looks like
With no light on
A Shot in the dark one might say.
I like the random Cow-lick, too!
:) So, I have quasi-red hair, now. Yay!
But I am still:
BEKAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!
Monday, October 1, 2007
Because it's been a couple years....
It came out in 2005...at the beginning of summer...Listening to the song had always made me realise that it would be my last year in high school...hearing it play on the Radio as my somewhat surrogate mother drove me home on the last days of September really drove it home...the sun was setting, and the world was a dream-like shade of pink...It was so poignant...how it descended into such darkness from there...A darkness with very few stars...
The fact that it had been 7, 7-and-a-half, years or so since I had moved in with my mother...the fact that I'd be leaving...
When it rained that night, from the only stars; from the skies as well as my eyes...regarding the spontaneous uncertainty, and some serious reflecting upon myself...My future, imagining myself in 4 years, when I would be 20, in 13 years, when the aforementioned 7 years would be 20...
Fast forward to about 335 days (give or take a week or 2) later, The start of September, once again, how different and distant one year ago had seemed...The end of an era, a different Rebekah - Not so much different, maybe 'freer' would be a more appropriate word....but that's not right either...
Different, yet the same, freer in some ways, more restricted in others - And then there's that distance...Yeah, the distant bit was the more profound feeling...I felt far away, and not the physical plane sort of distance, but emotional and mental distance...more self-realisation and reflection...and then something amazing about, I'd say, a week later.
Evolving to DVDs and pressing the "Next chapter" button....And Once again...September is ending...The amount of change is insane. There's no way I would have called this that night with the candy-dream-pink sky that faded into the star sprinkled veil of tears that brought on an amazing rain to wash away the pain, which melted brilliantly into a sunny day that was so fantastic I danced outside for hours on a *Saturday!* There was a beautiful rainbow that day, too!
And I look at that sky...that sky, that night...And what a metaphor it has become....
2005 - A candy-dream...something imagined that was bound to end as quick as it started....
2006 - darkness descends and chaos takes over; essentially all Hell breaking loose, And a hopeful phoenix getting burned in the end in a failed attempt to shed some light.
2007 - Rain washing away the past, putting out the fire, stopping just before it drowned the ashes, therefore allowing the phoenix to rise, reborn,and start anew...Bringing more parts to the surface than she ever thought possible. 3 Birds rise as one. A Raven, Dark and feminine; a Phoenix, perfectly balanced; dark and light, Male and female - and a dove, with an 'Olive' Branch in its beak.
2008 - The sun is up, The sky is blue, its beautiful and so are you, dear Prudence...won't you come out to play? Yes, I see myself stuck in the house a great deal more, but I also see the sun shining, dewdrops on palm trees, and life being as wonderful as it ever was...but the inevitable cinnamon twigs in September....
Summer has come and passed
The innocent can never last
Wake me up when September ends
Like my fathers come to pass
Seven years has gone so fast
Wake me up when September ends
Here comes the rain again
Falling from the stars
Drenched in my pain again
Becoming who we are
As my memory rests
But never forgets what I lost
Wake me up when September ends
Summer has come and passed,
The innocent can never last
Wake me up when September ends
Ring out the bells again
Like we did when spring began
Wake me up when September ends
Here comes the rain again
Falling from the stars
Drenched in my pain again
Becoming who we are
As my memory rests
But never forgets what I lost
Wake me up when September ends
Summer has come and passed
The innocent can never last
Wake me up when September ends
Like my father's come to pass
Twenty years has gone so fast
Wake me up when September ends
Wake me up when September ends
Wake me up when September ends
*And It is at this moment, when I'm about to post it, that I reflect once again, for one last moment, and strike the match.*
September had Ended, and I am truly Awake.
The fact that it had been 7, 7-and-a-half, years or so since I had moved in with my mother...the fact that I'd be leaving...
When it rained that night, from the only stars; from the skies as well as my eyes...regarding the spontaneous uncertainty, and some serious reflecting upon myself...My future, imagining myself in 4 years, when I would be 20, in 13 years, when the aforementioned 7 years would be 20...
Fast forward to about 335 days (give or take a week or 2) later, The start of September, once again, how different and distant one year ago had seemed...The end of an era, a different Rebekah - Not so much different, maybe 'freer' would be a more appropriate word....but that's not right either...
Different, yet the same, freer in some ways, more restricted in others - And then there's that distance...Yeah, the distant bit was the more profound feeling...I felt far away, and not the physical plane sort of distance, but emotional and mental distance...more self-realisation and reflection...and then something amazing about, I'd say, a week later.
Evolving to DVDs and pressing the "Next chapter" button....And Once again...September is ending...The amount of change is insane. There's no way I would have called this that night with the candy-dream-pink sky that faded into the star sprinkled veil of tears that brought on an amazing rain to wash away the pain, which melted brilliantly into a sunny day that was so fantastic I danced outside for hours on a *Saturday!* There was a beautiful rainbow that day, too!
And I look at that sky...that sky, that night...And what a metaphor it has become....
2005 - A candy-dream...something imagined that was bound to end as quick as it started....
2006 - darkness descends and chaos takes over; essentially all Hell breaking loose, And a hopeful phoenix getting burned in the end in a failed attempt to shed some light.
2007 - Rain washing away the past, putting out the fire, stopping just before it drowned the ashes, therefore allowing the phoenix to rise, reborn,and start anew...Bringing more parts to the surface than she ever thought possible. 3 Birds rise as one. A Raven, Dark and feminine; a Phoenix, perfectly balanced; dark and light, Male and female - and a dove, with an 'Olive' Branch in its beak.
2008 - The sun is up, The sky is blue, its beautiful and so are you, dear Prudence...won't you come out to play? Yes, I see myself stuck in the house a great deal more, but I also see the sun shining, dewdrops on palm trees, and life being as wonderful as it ever was...but the inevitable cinnamon twigs in September....
Summer has come and passed
The innocent can never last
Wake me up when September ends
Like my fathers come to pass
Seven years has gone so fast
Wake me up when September ends
Here comes the rain again
Falling from the stars
Drenched in my pain again
Becoming who we are
As my memory rests
But never forgets what I lost
Wake me up when September ends
Summer has come and passed,
The innocent can never last
Wake me up when September ends
Ring out the bells again
Like we did when spring began
Wake me up when September ends
Here comes the rain again
Falling from the stars
Drenched in my pain again
Becoming who we are
As my memory rests
But never forgets what I lost
Wake me up when September ends
Summer has come and passed
The innocent can never last
Wake me up when September ends
Like my father's come to pass
Twenty years has gone so fast
Wake me up when September ends
Wake me up when September ends
Wake me up when September ends
*And It is at this moment, when I'm about to post it, that I reflect once again, for one last moment, and strike the match.*
September had Ended, and I am truly Awake.
Friday, September 28, 2007
Wednesday, September 26, 2007
And it's times like these when I ask why I bother. I stand still and the world continues. This continues to baffle me....How did it Get to be the end of September? How can I be awakened at the end if I haven't slept? And wasn't it just May? "Come What May" is a good song. I like school....But there's something seriously wrong when I'm setting a curve without really trying, and doing not so fantastic when I'm really studying in the language lab. I haven't decided yet if I like my French teacher. She's nice, but she...Goes too fast and too slow at the same time? She talks so much, and says so little. She writes hardly anything down. She spends mass amounts of time on one subject (say, numbers) but says them so fast that I can hardly comprehend one before she's onto the next But I will pass this class! On top of that I just found out my math class is Pass/Fail....Grr, typical. I'm awesome and it doesn't matter.
Monday, September 17, 2007
Sleep is simple, you just close your eyes and go...
Yet for me, sleep is sad...It's when everything starts flowing into my mind, Good and bad...Everything people have said, all the things I was supposed to do that I'd forgotten, all the things that a responsible 18 year old should be doing, or should already have done.
It's times like these when I wonder if I take anything seriously...Or if I'm much too obsessive about other things.
And at times like these I get the loveliest ideas, half-hindered by half-headaches.
At times like these I wish I knew people that would be awake right now that I could talk to...People that would answer.
...I wish people would call *me* sometimes, instead of it always being the other way around; I wish people would actually call when they say they will.
It's times like this when I wish I could just call someone up and have them read to me until I (or they, or we) fall asleep...I miss being read to...
And times like these make me lonely...Lying in my bed, closing my eyes...willing fantastic journeys through my subconscious, but feeling only warm streams of this salty saline solution escape from under my enduring lids....As I wonder where the years went....And how right now all I want is a loving arm around my waist and a promising kiss on the cheek....Followed by an encouraging word or two. Something comforting to put my racing mind at ease, the gentle press of a boat to dislodge it from land and start it drifting on a stream. Of Dreams.
But instead of this I see my future...It isn't bleak in any sense of the word...but I wonder of a career...Acting is a difficult field to find work...and sometimes it doesn't pay at all; Not that I only act for the money - goodness! But it's one of those problems that need to be addressed.
And then there's this front, this façade, this face I am forced to present. There are times when I wonder what to disclose and what not to. How much do you tell someone upon first meeting them...? How much do you tell people you've known forever? Why is there this paradox with honesty? Why are certain topics Taboo? Why would some people think less of you for being perfectly earnest? Why is it that certain people, quite possibly the people you're closest to, the people that tell you "We'd accept you no matter what," don't, in fact, accept certain aspects of your lifestyle/personality. Why might the response be "Well, that explains such and such...." or some form of general acceptance when you initially drop the bomb, but a week later they try to tell you that its not "Who you are" just because they don't see it - or don't want to see it as the case is much more likely to be.
And then there are the corpses in the cupboard...Not quite as dreadful as the skeletons in the closet, but they're still there. These are the things that just sort of happened once, nothing big, but it happened...Something you always thought you should bring up, but you never did because it never seemed relevant, or it never really came up. The nightmares that have repeatedly wrenched you out of sleep, the real reason you haven't been sleeping, the strange vision you fought against, the magical properties a certain necklace might have, as it's gone from hot to cold during said fought-against-vision...
It's times like these when I wonder if I take anything seriously...Or if I'm much too obsessive about other things.
And at times like these I get the loveliest ideas, half-hindered by half-headaches.
At times like these I wish I knew people that would be awake right now that I could talk to...People that would answer.
...I wish people would call *me* sometimes, instead of it always being the other way around; I wish people would actually call when they say they will.
It's times like this when I wish I could just call someone up and have them read to me until I (or they, or we) fall asleep...I miss being read to...
And times like these make me lonely...Lying in my bed, closing my eyes...willing fantastic journeys through my subconscious, but feeling only warm streams of this salty saline solution escape from under my enduring lids....As I wonder where the years went....And how right now all I want is a loving arm around my waist and a promising kiss on the cheek....Followed by an encouraging word or two. Something comforting to put my racing mind at ease, the gentle press of a boat to dislodge it from land and start it drifting on a stream. Of Dreams.
But instead of this I see my future...It isn't bleak in any sense of the word...but I wonder of a career...Acting is a difficult field to find work...and sometimes it doesn't pay at all; Not that I only act for the money - goodness! But it's one of those problems that need to be addressed.
And then there's this front, this façade, this face I am forced to present. There are times when I wonder what to disclose and what not to. How much do you tell someone upon first meeting them...? How much do you tell people you've known forever? Why is there this paradox with honesty? Why are certain topics Taboo? Why would some people think less of you for being perfectly earnest? Why is it that certain people, quite possibly the people you're closest to, the people that tell you "We'd accept you no matter what," don't, in fact, accept certain aspects of your lifestyle/personality. Why might the response be "Well, that explains such and such...." or some form of general acceptance when you initially drop the bomb, but a week later they try to tell you that its not "Who you are" just because they don't see it - or don't want to see it as the case is much more likely to be.
And then there are the corpses in the cupboard...Not quite as dreadful as the skeletons in the closet, but they're still there. These are the things that just sort of happened once, nothing big, but it happened...Something you always thought you should bring up, but you never did because it never seemed relevant, or it never really came up. The nightmares that have repeatedly wrenched you out of sleep, the real reason you haven't been sleeping, the strange vision you fought against, the magical properties a certain necklace might have, as it's gone from hot to cold during said fought-against-vision...
The the silly-seeming, yet somewhat serious, things that you've done that you wish you could tell your closest friends without them shrieking. Wishing people (including myself) would realise that time has passed. I'm 18, I'm not 12. There are certain things I'm allowed to do as an adult, most of which I choose not to engage in (Smoking, gambling, being tried as an adult, etc.) but the point is, I'm allowed to. At this point the finger-wagging merely reflects common sense, one's own individual perception of common sense, really, and personal choices.
At this point it's like the difference between a 15 year old drinking at a friend's party, and a 21 year old drinking a glass of wine with his family during dinner. Chastising the 15 year old makes sense, A) He's not even of a legal drinking age in a foreign country, but, well...they just aren't old enough. Chastising the 21 year old is ridiculous because not only is he of legal age, but he's being responsible with his rights. (He's making an educated choice...he's not running around in a frat house, drinking until he starts vomiting on the rug because he couldn't make it to the bathroom/sink/outside/window/the real Lebowski's house in time...or simply made a mistake because he 'totally forgot what was going on.') No, this guy is enjoying an evening socially, and indulging in his right to consume a spirit...... Really the point I think this convoluted paragraph was supposed to make was 'you may not agree with a choice someone made because you wouldn't make that same choice, but it doesn't make it wrong.'
And yet more paradoxes. You know how when someone is sad, a nice person's reaction is to try to cheer them up? You know how sometimes it doesn't work entirely, but you're grateful for the attempt? Well it happened to me a couple days ago. Only, in this instance I discerned something interesting. Up until rather recently the notion of me going and doing things late at night, or things involving travel have been generally frowned upon, and I'm still in the whole 'no means no, and if we don't like the person you're going with then, apologies, but, you're not going' state. Though, occasionally, I rebel without a real cause, I guess, except a desire for some semblance of freedom, or a need to prove to myself that I am - indeed - in control of my life, and what I do. And that's not usually met with any sort of "You go girl!", "Yeaahhh, Boyyyy" or "Let's do this! LEEROY JENKINS!!!!" (dunno why I linked to those, but...) It's usually more along the lines of long talking-tos and finger-waggings. Yet, in order to cheer me up or perhaps, commiserate, they called for that same sort of action. Not on my part, but on the part of others. Yes, I'm all for that. For me. It works for me, but it doesn't work for everyone else. (Now of course, I didn't say this but...) It works for me because I don't exactly care about the consequences. What's the worst that's going to happen when I get home - Or if they're asleep when I get home, then the next day upon waking? I get a half-hour long talking-to about my choices being bad? I get a harsh suggestion regarding the finding of a job (which I fully intend to do, anyway, when I'm not in school)? That's it. That's all that really can be done at this point. And I can deal with those. Because I had fun doing what I was doing. I feel it was worth it.
Other people might have harsher consequences to deal with, or might be less apathetic towards rules and regulations than I. Which is good. Or they may be more easily crushed under the heel of totalitarianism. Which isn't good, but in time will end. Either way, it just struck me as odd. If *I* were to rebel saying "I'm of age! You can't hold me down," take a bus to the promenade, or leave with a friend, and come back that night, or the next day I'd be in for a world of pain, but it should be perfectly ok for someone else to do that exact thing.....*shakes head* I don't understand it...
But at this time, aside from all this stuff filling up my mind, I also get nostalgic. Memories of conversations flood into my mind...of incidents beyond my control that happened without my realising it...Things that I feel bad about, but at the same time don't - falling in love, when I did, how I did. And we're back to honesty again...It's true that in the past I've been less-than-honest with myself regarding my feelings, and it may have come out as 'lying' to others when I related those 'feelings.' But I tried to make it right in the end by being honest about what had happened, but I ended up hurting people. I really hate hurting people, despite popular belief.
The things that usually pop into my mind are things like:
1. My father told me recently that he thought Brittany and I were a couple the first time I "Brought her 'round the family." - While at that time I wouldn't have objected to the idea, now it's not something I want. Sure We may act flirty and affectionate around each other, but it's all in good fun, and not serious.
2. Transvestitism. - 'nuff said.
3. Weird/Unconventional shit. - Ditto.
4. "What Ifs" - There are so many times that I ask "what if...?" Or think "Gee, I should've done this. The biggest one was wishing I had actually had a livejournal or a blog during my junior high years up through high school and kept it updated. Maybe more as a diary.
I also think...a lot...I get jealous of my brother a bit...him being allowed to dye his hair and everything, while I wasn't. How he tends (Or tended) to get a lot more things his way. But then I realise I'd much rather be me. And I don't want everything I ever ask for right away. It may not be what I want in the long run. Also, If I got everything I wanted I'd take it for granted.
I also tend to have really stupid ideas, like get a cup of tea at *looks at clock O_O* 4:30 AM...because I can't sleep.....*blows some steam away and has another nostalgic memory of catching a grin on the face of someone she just made tea for...*...*looks at spoon and wonders how many times she's sneezed in the past couple days, looks at the fingers holding the spoon and smirks*
Another thing worth mentioning is how curious I am. Random Ideas make me smile. I seem to be the "Try anything twice to be certain I didn't like it the first time." kind of person. I also have really bad ideas. (It should be noted that "stupid" ideas and "bad" ideas are different.) "I wonder what would happen if...." "I suppose I'd get a negative reaction if I were to do this..., but let's do it anyway!" "Wouldn't it be fantastic to....?" "Oh Goddess, how horrible that would be! If......." It's amazing to get a positive reaction when spouting off those sort of ideas, be it a prank, something unconventional, or both!
Seeing as I'm rambling rather aimlessly at this point I think I should finish off my tea, crawl into bed, and beg sleep to wash over me.
Sweet dreams world. Though at this time many a person is waking up to begin their day - Sweet dreams.
At this point it's like the difference between a 15 year old drinking at a friend's party, and a 21 year old drinking a glass of wine with his family during dinner. Chastising the 15 year old makes sense, A) He's not even of a legal drinking age in a foreign country, but, well...they just aren't old enough. Chastising the 21 year old is ridiculous because not only is he of legal age, but he's being responsible with his rights. (He's making an educated choice...he's not running around in a frat house, drinking until he starts vomiting on the rug because he couldn't make it to the bathroom/sink/outside/window/the real Lebowski's house in time...or simply made a mistake because he 'totally forgot what was going on.') No, this guy is enjoying an evening socially, and indulging in his right to consume a spirit...... Really the point I think this convoluted paragraph was supposed to make was 'you may not agree with a choice someone made because you wouldn't make that same choice, but it doesn't make it wrong.'
And yet more paradoxes. You know how when someone is sad, a nice person's reaction is to try to cheer them up? You know how sometimes it doesn't work entirely, but you're grateful for the attempt? Well it happened to me a couple days ago. Only, in this instance I discerned something interesting. Up until rather recently the notion of me going and doing things late at night, or things involving travel have been generally frowned upon, and I'm still in the whole 'no means no, and if we don't like the person you're going with then, apologies, but, you're not going' state. Though, occasionally, I rebel without a real cause, I guess, except a desire for some semblance of freedom, or a need to prove to myself that I am - indeed - in control of my life, and what I do. And that's not usually met with any sort of "You go girl!", "Yeaahhh, Boyyyy" or "Let's do this! LEEROY JENKINS!!!!" (dunno why I linked to those, but...) It's usually more along the lines of long talking-tos and finger-waggings. Yet, in order to cheer me up or perhaps, commiserate, they called for that same sort of action. Not on my part, but on the part of others. Yes, I'm all for that. For me. It works for me, but it doesn't work for everyone else. (Now of course, I didn't say this but...) It works for me because I don't exactly care about the consequences. What's the worst that's going to happen when I get home - Or if they're asleep when I get home, then the next day upon waking? I get a half-hour long talking-to about my choices being bad? I get a harsh suggestion regarding the finding of a job (which I fully intend to do, anyway, when I'm not in school)? That's it. That's all that really can be done at this point. And I can deal with those. Because I had fun doing what I was doing. I feel it was worth it.
Other people might have harsher consequences to deal with, or might be less apathetic towards rules and regulations than I. Which is good. Or they may be more easily crushed under the heel of totalitarianism. Which isn't good, but in time will end. Either way, it just struck me as odd. If *I* were to rebel saying "I'm of age! You can't hold me down," take a bus to the promenade, or leave with a friend, and come back that night, or the next day I'd be in for a world of pain, but it should be perfectly ok for someone else to do that exact thing.....*shakes head* I don't understand it...
But at this time, aside from all this stuff filling up my mind, I also get nostalgic. Memories of conversations flood into my mind...of incidents beyond my control that happened without my realising it...Things that I feel bad about, but at the same time don't - falling in love, when I did, how I did. And we're back to honesty again...It's true that in the past I've been less-than-honest with myself regarding my feelings, and it may have come out as 'lying' to others when I related those 'feelings.' But I tried to make it right in the end by being honest about what had happened, but I ended up hurting people. I really hate hurting people, despite popular belief.
The things that usually pop into my mind are things like:
1. My father told me recently that he thought Brittany and I were a couple the first time I "Brought her 'round the family." - While at that time I wouldn't have objected to the idea, now it's not something I want. Sure We may act flirty and affectionate around each other, but it's all in good fun, and not serious.
2. Transvestitism. - 'nuff said.
3. Weird/Unconventional shit. - Ditto.
4. "What Ifs" - There are so many times that I ask "what if...?" Or think "Gee, I should've done this. The biggest one was wishing I had actually had a livejournal or a blog during my junior high years up through high school and kept it updated. Maybe more as a diary.
I also think...a lot...I get jealous of my brother a bit...him being allowed to dye his hair and everything, while I wasn't. How he tends (Or tended) to get a lot more things his way. But then I realise I'd much rather be me. And I don't want everything I ever ask for right away. It may not be what I want in the long run. Also, If I got everything I wanted I'd take it for granted.
I also tend to have really stupid ideas, like get a cup of tea at *looks at clock O_O* 4:30 AM...because I can't sleep.....*blows some steam away and has another nostalgic memory of catching a grin on the face of someone she just made tea for...*...*looks at spoon and wonders how many times she's sneezed in the past couple days, looks at the fingers holding the spoon and smirks*
Another thing worth mentioning is how curious I am. Random Ideas make me smile. I seem to be the "Try anything twice to be certain I didn't like it the first time." kind of person. I also have really bad ideas. (It should be noted that "stupid" ideas and "bad" ideas are different.) "I wonder what would happen if...." "I suppose I'd get a negative reaction if I were to do this..., but let's do it anyway!" "Wouldn't it be fantastic to....?" "Oh Goddess, how horrible that would be! If......." It's amazing to get a positive reaction when spouting off those sort of ideas, be it a prank, something unconventional, or both!
Seeing as I'm rambling rather aimlessly at this point I think I should finish off my tea, crawl into bed, and beg sleep to wash over me.
Sweet dreams world. Though at this time many a person is waking up to begin their day - Sweet dreams.
Sunday, September 9, 2007
Sunday, August 26, 2007
Hello Goodbyes.
Hello Goodbyes, why must you come so soon, and too often? Why does it seem like there are more of you than Hellos....Why do you last longer? Why do you put a knot in my stomach every time we meet. Why must you be so difficult? This "feeling of unnameable dread" follows with you. Your sick pleasure in knowing that I know you're right behind me, though I try my hardest to ignore you. And Why is it you can creep up on me so easily, sometimes? Hellos always let me know when they are coming, yet they're often delayed...Goodbyes - though, once apparent, take so long to subdue me, and I resist them until the end - sneak up and pounce upon me when I least expect it. Though I know there is a Hello at the other side of every Goodbye it's hard to tell when exactly that'll happen. Hello sinking leaden heart.
Hello school, hello classes....Hello schedule I haven't looked over in a month...Hello rooms I don't know the location of...Hello new bus schedule that I must find out and write out. Hello anxiety, hello stress. Hello worry. Hello sadness. Hello darkness. Hello Kitty? ......Hello futile attempts to cheer myself up. Hello tears, you've been there all this time, haven't you? Before, even. You were my inspiration today. Hello interruption, Hello saves. Hello responsibility...Hello responsibility fueling irresponsibility. Hello shivers and cold in a room stuffy and unbearably hot.
Hello Pessimism, you finally caught up to me. How long until I outrun you again? A week? 2 weeks? More? How many obstacles do you intend to put in my path again I see the old ones, rules, roads, responsibility...Restriction. I ran from you but you caught up, and in one fell swoop turned me upside down. You, my immortal enemy, seized me by the the hair, dragged me to your lair, threw me into shackles without a care, and the key disappeared into thin air.
But, look, an infinitesimal pixel of optimism appears, as small as a hairline crack in a vase, but just as effective...The secret to finding the key resides in hope, which despite everything, I know I still have. Hello Resilience! What took you so long? What's that? I can't find it alone? I need help? I need Rescuing, you're right...I'm stuck. A looming authority figure blocks our hero's way with reasons of rules, roads and responsibility...Recurring Restrictions...Redundancy. Ridiculous! But look! How brave this one is, how they fight! Defeated every time, but standing back up to give it another go. Withstanding waves of wickedness, while I watch and weep...? Oh! How I will fight for that one as well! Oh Resilience! Oh Hope! How you've helped! How I thank thee! How I...but soft, what's that I hear...? What's this I sense creeping and sneaking around the room? Hello fear, you're usually the last to come, aren't you? I should have known you'd reside in this dark, dank dungeon. But I don't understand, you aren't effecting me, why are you here? I'm cold, Resilience? Hope? Where have you gone? Oh I see, Fear, you were just a distraction. You play that part perfectly.
Hello Goodbyes...we meet again. I will break free of these chains! Even now I feel them loosening, though they still hold me up against this wall. There's a light! Shining! And I can see! It isn't so dark, but I'm still here. I'll escape one day, from your dominating mistress, Pessimism. And she may catch me again, lock me away once more and keep me here, but One Day I'll Fly Away! And she'll have no more hold over me. It may take a few years....and a lot of hard work...But I'll outrun her again. And then it'll be harder than ever for her to keep me captive. I'll constantly be holding the key, and she'll be unable to steal it from me.
Hello, Goodbyes...Thank you for being temporary.
Goodbye.
Hello school, hello classes....Hello schedule I haven't looked over in a month...Hello rooms I don't know the location of...Hello new bus schedule that I must find out and write out. Hello anxiety, hello stress. Hello worry. Hello sadness. Hello darkness. Hello Kitty? ......Hello futile attempts to cheer myself up. Hello tears, you've been there all this time, haven't you? Before, even. You were my inspiration today. Hello interruption, Hello saves. Hello responsibility...Hello responsibility fueling irresponsibility. Hello shivers and cold in a room stuffy and unbearably hot.
Hello Pessimism, you finally caught up to me. How long until I outrun you again? A week? 2 weeks? More? How many obstacles do you intend to put in my path again I see the old ones, rules, roads, responsibility...Restriction. I ran from you but you caught up, and in one fell swoop turned me upside down. You, my immortal enemy, seized me by the the hair, dragged me to your lair, threw me into shackles without a care, and the key disappeared into thin air.
But, look, an infinitesimal pixel of optimism appears, as small as a hairline crack in a vase, but just as effective...The secret to finding the key resides in hope, which despite everything, I know I still have. Hello Resilience! What took you so long? What's that? I can't find it alone? I need help? I need Rescuing, you're right...I'm stuck. A looming authority figure blocks our hero's way with reasons of rules, roads and responsibility...Recurring Restrictions...Redundancy. Ridiculous! But look! How brave this one is, how they fight! Defeated every time, but standing back up to give it another go. Withstanding waves of wickedness, while I watch and weep...? Oh! How I will fight for that one as well! Oh Resilience! Oh Hope! How you've helped! How I thank thee! How I...but soft, what's that I hear...? What's this I sense creeping and sneaking around the room? Hello fear, you're usually the last to come, aren't you? I should have known you'd reside in this dark, dank dungeon. But I don't understand, you aren't effecting me, why are you here? I'm cold, Resilience? Hope? Where have you gone? Oh I see, Fear, you were just a distraction. You play that part perfectly.
Hello Goodbyes...we meet again. I will break free of these chains! Even now I feel them loosening, though they still hold me up against this wall. There's a light! Shining! And I can see! It isn't so dark, but I'm still here. I'll escape one day, from your dominating mistress, Pessimism. And she may catch me again, lock me away once more and keep me here, but One Day I'll Fly Away! And she'll have no more hold over me. It may take a few years....and a lot of hard work...But I'll outrun her again. And then it'll be harder than ever for her to keep me captive. I'll constantly be holding the key, and she'll be unable to steal it from me.
Hello, Goodbyes...Thank you for being temporary.
Goodbye.
Friday, August 24, 2007
Life Update for the sake of Updating
It should be noted that I am a horrible person.
It should also be noted that I ...um...start a lot of sentences without really realising where I'm going with them.
But on the note of me being a horrible person...I started this blog with the intention of updating it often and...well...giving frequent updates during said...updates.....and....and this is where the second note comes in handy. I am a horrible person because I do not update this as often as I should. Nor do I have any regimen for said updates which probably disappoints my many (read: no more than 2 - 5) readers....So, I have resolved to update more often! Preferably once a week. Weee!
Now, I could be almost completely anti-climactic and just end this entry right here...but I prefer to be a bit more verbose and ramble on about other things while occasionally gushing about something or other else.
Aright then *scans the last blog*...Updates....*makes swooshy 'I'm scanning the last entry' type noises* Oh...Wow..Yes...DnD...ha, well...I got kicked out. After only 3 sessions. Yes, because I'm too happy, I laugh too much, I'm too 'young.' It sucked, but now I'm in another group (with David! ^_^) and we're gonna start fairly soon, I just submitted my character (Chaotic-good male Half-elf Rogue!) and,well, we'll see how this one goes...
In other news, I've just (read: about 4 days ago) returned from a trip to San Francisco, Pretty City, I love it! Went to Castro/Tenderloin in Drag and also saw Avenue Q. Met up with a friend of mine named Max, and he played lotsa pretty music! And sang along, too, t'was fantastic.
I'm going to see Wicked this Saturday! I can't wait! It should prove to be fantastic, and I'll be going with David, so even more fantasticness!
Oh, yeah...I made an odd discovery...I like experimenting with how I look... I've taken to doing things to my hair a couple times. the first time I made it easier to pass as a guy. I shaved off part of the bottom/underside so that when I have my hair in my hat I have this natural looking 'end.' It looks like I have very short Beatley hair. Today I was marveling at how much I like Asymmetrical things....So, I made my hair Asymmetrical. Nothing too fancy, one side is just about an inch shorter than the other. One of those hardly noticeable things that I did more for my own enjoyment. However, I'm also tempted to get some sort of crazy-coloured hair dye and comb streaks into my hair....or change my bangs/false ends so my 'boy-hair' is a different colour. Oh well, Musings of a young teenager dressed up like Death Note's "L"
Lots of stuff happens in 2 months...Lots of crazy crazy stuff. Stuff that you wouldn't rightly think would happen, but don't regret. Some things that you do regret...And some things that you should regret, but for some strange reason you don't. Performing stereotypical cliche Adolescent actions such as staying out all day, hopping from store to store and ending up with the cutest outfit at the end of the day and not waiting more than an hour after you get home to try it all out together to staying out an extra hour after a concert and blaming it on traffic and horrible drivers. Seeing movies, being distracted from movies, ripping on movies, and drag.
From Apprehension to fear to relief, from surprise to pain to flying. From concern to investigation to success, From openness to curiosity to exploring. From experience to change to excitement, from imagination to desire to Freedom. From emotion to mentality to physicality, From longing to aching to adventure. From Light to truth to happiness, From Beauty to Bonding to Love. Yet though this list ends with love, none of it would be possible without it.
Love. Perfect love. Spiritual. Emotional. Mental. Metaphysical. Physical. Sensational! <3
It should also be noted that I ...um...start a lot of sentences without really realising where I'm going with them.
But on the note of me being a horrible person...I started this blog with the intention of updating it often and...well...giving frequent updates during said...updates.....and....and this is where the second note comes in handy. I am a horrible person because I do not update this as often as I should. Nor do I have any regimen for said updates which probably disappoints my many (read: no more than 2 - 5) readers....So, I have resolved to update more often! Preferably once a week. Weee!
Now, I could be almost completely anti-climactic and just end this entry right here...but I prefer to be a bit more verbose and ramble on about other things while occasionally gushing about something or other else.
Aright then *scans the last blog*...Updates....*makes swooshy 'I'm scanning the last entry' type noises* Oh...Wow..Yes...DnD...ha, well...I got kicked out. After only 3 sessions. Yes, because I'm too happy, I laugh too much, I'm too 'young.' It sucked, but now I'm in another group (with David! ^_^) and we're gonna start fairly soon, I just submitted my character (Chaotic-good male Half-elf Rogue!) and,well, we'll see how this one goes...
In other news, I've just (read: about 4 days ago) returned from a trip to San Francisco, Pretty City, I love it! Went to Castro/Tenderloin in Drag and also saw Avenue Q. Met up with a friend of mine named Max, and he played lotsa pretty music! And sang along, too, t'was fantastic.
I'm going to see Wicked this Saturday! I can't wait! It should prove to be fantastic, and I'll be going with David, so even more fantasticness!
Oh, yeah...I made an odd discovery...I like experimenting with how I look... I've taken to doing things to my hair a couple times. the first time I made it easier to pass as a guy. I shaved off part of the bottom/underside so that when I have my hair in my hat I have this natural looking 'end.' It looks like I have very short Beatley hair. Today I was marveling at how much I like Asymmetrical things....So, I made my hair Asymmetrical. Nothing too fancy, one side is just about an inch shorter than the other. One of those hardly noticeable things that I did more for my own enjoyment. However, I'm also tempted to get some sort of crazy-coloured hair dye and comb streaks into my hair....or change my bangs/false ends so my 'boy-hair' is a different colour. Oh well, Musings of a young teenager dressed up like Death Note's "L"
Lots of stuff happens in 2 months...Lots of crazy crazy stuff. Stuff that you wouldn't rightly think would happen, but don't regret. Some things that you do regret...And some things that you should regret, but for some strange reason you don't. Performing stereotypical cliche Adolescent actions such as staying out all day, hopping from store to store and ending up with the cutest outfit at the end of the day and not waiting more than an hour after you get home to try it all out together to staying out an extra hour after a concert and blaming it on traffic and horrible drivers. Seeing movies, being distracted from movies, ripping on movies, and drag.
From Apprehension to fear to relief, from surprise to pain to flying. From concern to investigation to success, From openness to curiosity to exploring. From experience to change to excitement, from imagination to desire to Freedom. From emotion to mentality to physicality, From longing to aching to adventure. From Light to truth to happiness, From Beauty to Bonding to Love. Yet though this list ends with love, none of it would be possible without it.
Love. Perfect love. Spiritual. Emotional. Mental. Metaphysical. Physical. Sensational! <3
Friday, June 22, 2007
Summer of LOVE!
Well, it's the first week of summer, and I, as Persephone, am out of a job...
>_> Hey, I live in my world, you can live in yours....
When We last left our heroes...Namely me...Well, only me unless you count David (See: 'friend who was house-sitting')..I was on my way to create a DnD Character...I've since done 2 sessions, and let me say it's a brilliant game! It's pretty easy to pick up, though I admit, I still have some problems when it comes to combat.
Shwee, On to more important Matters: Would this be a complete blog if it were void of Angsty Teen love woes?...Damn, I guess it's going to be incomplete for a while now because the only woe I seem to have s that I miss him! David and I got together 8 or 9 *looks at clock, realises it's past midnight...* 9 or 10 days ago after a spectacular date! I had been dreaming of this happening for...longer than I can rightly admit to...I'd say 6, 7, 8 months? Oh yes, I had been pining. It was totally worth it, though. I think I appreciate it more than I would've if I didn't have to wait, you know? Not that waiting didn't suck, but...
Hmm, How to Describe David...All I can say is that he's simply amazing! He's sweet, smart, Silly,...And ADORABLE to boot! *smiles* I'm currently watching him research javascript so he can edit a website and...*smiles*...*can feel her eyes get all dreamy and sparkly...Anime style!* ...and I miss him so much! As he puts up his hair, adjusts his glasses pours over his book and then raises his eyebrow, then the other one, and adjusts his glasses yet again, my heart flutters...He looks up and smiles and I forget about typing here for a minute He types something to me and I bring up the window. It simply says "boo" I place my hand to my mouth in faux surprise, and he smiles...And then he walked out for a moment, And I wrote the above paragraph....
*momentarily stops swooning long enough to read what she has so far* Wow, I've kept a single subject for quite some time...*bad joke alert* Well Technically it was a *dating* subject, Not a *single* subject...a-ha, a-ha-ha!
I guess the main point is...It's SUMMER! I like Summer....And, I've played DnD...I like DnD...Is good.
DnD is nerdy, I am a nerd...I like Being a nerd, I like nerds...David loves being a nerd, I love David!
It was connected all along! MWAHAHA!!!!
I love it when a plan...or a blog entry...comes together!
>_> Hey, I live in my world, you can live in yours....
When We last left our heroes...Namely me...Well, only me unless you count David (See: 'friend who was house-sitting')..I was on my way to create a DnD Character...I've since done 2 sessions, and let me say it's a brilliant game! It's pretty easy to pick up, though I admit, I still have some problems when it comes to combat.
Shwee, On to more important Matters: Would this be a complete blog if it were void of Angsty Teen love woes?...Damn, I guess it's going to be incomplete for a while now because the only woe I seem to have s that I miss him! David and I got together 8 or 9 *looks at clock, realises it's past midnight...* 9 or 10 days ago after a spectacular date! I had been dreaming of this happening for...longer than I can rightly admit to...I'd say 6, 7, 8 months? Oh yes, I had been pining. It was totally worth it, though. I think I appreciate it more than I would've if I didn't have to wait, you know? Not that waiting didn't suck, but...
Hmm, How to Describe David...All I can say is that he's simply amazing! He's sweet, smart, Silly,...And ADORABLE to boot! *smiles* I'm currently watching him research javascript so he can edit a website and...*smiles*...*can feel her eyes get all dreamy and sparkly...Anime style!* ...and I miss him so much! As he puts up his hair, adjusts his glasses pours over his book and then raises his eyebrow, then the other one, and adjusts his glasses yet again, my heart flutters...He looks up and smiles and I forget about typing here for a minute He types something to me and I bring up the window. It simply says "boo" I place my hand to my mouth in faux surprise, and he smiles...And then he walked out for a moment, And I wrote the above paragraph....
*momentarily stops swooning long enough to read what she has so far* Wow, I've kept a single subject for quite some time...*bad joke alert* Well Technically it was a *dating* subject, Not a *single* subject...a-ha, a-ha-ha!
I guess the main point is...It's SUMMER! I like Summer....And, I've played DnD...I like DnD...Is good.
DnD is nerdy, I am a nerd...I like Being a nerd, I like nerds...David loves being a nerd, I love David!
It was connected all along! MWAHAHA!!!!
I love it when a plan...or a blog entry...comes together!
Wednesday, May 30, 2007
An Introduction.
I realised as I was sifting through old emails that I had created a blog about 6 months ago, and have yet to create an entry. I sat and wondered for a short while about the subject matter. Then I decided to just start writing in short bursts between compulsively checking El Goonish Shive for updates and chatting with a friend of mine who is house-sitting, and probably checking the website just as compusively.
I think I've found a topic. El Goonish Shive. There's a link to it over there in my "links" section...Over there...*points* Yes, the one with the silly joke. Thank you.
It's quite the comic, I must say, and it covers lotsa stuff that I'm interested in. The only problem with it is that it's super addicting, and doesn't update enough...It's like a form of delightful torture that I inflict upon myself...*checks the website* GAH! Why? mmmm, TF gun *drools*
*tries to find an alternate subject before she goes mad...Because it just wouldn't be *my* blog if it was linear.*
In other news, I'm practicing a monologue today in my voice class, and then I'm off to discuss my very first DnD character. Apparently it has to be a girl. *tear.* Oh well, DM's rules.
I'm getting a huge Ice Cream brownie out of this, So I won't complain...Seriously, this thing is HUGE! Anyone ever been to Norms? Then you probably know the thing I'm talking about. It's just insane.
But Yes, I'm leaning towards A Chaotic-Good Nature-Touched Rogue.
Don't try to fathom it, you'll get hurt. The only thing I fear during the first campaign of my very first DnD session are the words that most people in my class tend to fear:
"Send the Rogue!"
I think I've found a topic. El Goonish Shive. There's a link to it over there in my "links" section...Over there...*points* Yes, the one with the silly joke. Thank you.
It's quite the comic, I must say, and it covers lotsa stuff that I'm interested in. The only problem with it is that it's super addicting, and doesn't update enough...It's like a form of delightful torture that I inflict upon myself...*checks the website* GAH! Why? mmmm, TF gun *drools*
*tries to find an alternate subject before she goes mad...Because it just wouldn't be *my* blog if it was linear.*
In other news, I'm practicing a monologue today in my voice class, and then I'm off to discuss my very first DnD character. Apparently it has to be a girl. *tear.* Oh well, DM's rules.
I'm getting a huge Ice Cream brownie out of this, So I won't complain...Seriously, this thing is HUGE! Anyone ever been to Norms? Then you probably know the thing I'm talking about. It's just insane.
But Yes, I'm leaning towards A Chaotic-Good Nature-Touched Rogue.
Don't try to fathom it, you'll get hurt. The only thing I fear during the first campaign of my very first DnD session are the words that most people in my class tend to fear:
"Send the Rogue!"
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