Hello Goodbyes.

Hello Goodbyes, why must you come so soon, and too often? Why does it seem like there are more of you than Hellos....Why do you last longer? Why do you put a knot in my stomach every time we meet. Why must you be so difficult? This "feeling of unnameable dread" follows with you. Your sick pleasure in knowing that I know you're right behind me, though I try my hardest to ignore you. And Why is it you can creep up on me so easily, sometimes? Hellos always let me know when they are coming, yet they're often delayed...Goodbyes - though, once apparent, take so long to subdue me, and I resist them until the end - sneak up and pounce upon me when I least expect it. Though I know there is a Hello at the other side of every Goodbye it's hard to tell when exactly that'll happen. Hello sinking leaden heart.

Hello school, hello classes....Hello schedule I haven't looked over in a month...Hello rooms I don't know the location of...Hello new bus schedule that I must find out and write out. Hello anxiety, hello stress. Hello worry. Hello sadness. Hello darkness. Hello Kitty? ......Hello futile attempts to cheer myself up. Hello tears, you've been there all this time, haven't you? Before, even. You were my inspiration today. Hello interruption, Hello saves. Hello responsibility...Hello responsibility fueling irresponsibility. Hello shivers and cold in a room stuffy and unbearably hot.

Hello Pessimism, you finally caught up to me. How long until I outrun you again? A week? 2 weeks? More? How many obstacles do you intend to put in my path again I see the old ones, rules, roads, responsibility...Restriction. I ran from you but you caught up, and in one fell swoop turned me upside down. You, my immortal enemy, seized me by the the hair, dragged me to your lair, threw me into shackles without a care, and the key disappeared into thin air.

But, look, an infinitesimal pixel of optimism appears, as small as a hairline crack in a vase, but just as effective...The secret to finding the key resides in hope, which despite everything, I know I still have. Hello Resilience! What took you so long? What's that? I can't find it alone? I need help? I need Rescuing, you're right...I'm stuck. A looming authority figure blocks our hero's way with reasons of rules, roads and responsibility...Recurring Restrictions...Redundancy. Ridiculous! But look! How brave this one is, how they fight! Defeated every time, but standing back up to give it another go. Withstanding waves of wickedness, while I watch and weep...? Oh! How I will fight for that one as well! Oh Resilience! Oh Hope! How you've helped! How I thank thee! How I...but soft, what's that I hear...? What's this I sense creeping and sneaking around the room? Hello fear, you're usually the last to come, aren't you? I should have known you'd reside in this dark, dank dungeon. But I don't understand, you aren't effecting me, why are you here? I'm cold, Resilience? Hope? Where have you gone? Oh I see, Fear, you were just a distraction. You play that part perfectly.

Hello Goodbyes...we meet again. I will break free of these chains! Even now I feel them loosening, though they still hold me up against this wall. There's a light! Shining! And I can see! It isn't so dark, but I'm still here. I'll escape one day, from your dominating mistress, Pessimism. And she may catch me again, lock me away once more and keep me here, but One Day I'll Fly Away! And she'll have no more hold over me. It may take a few years....and a lot of hard work...But I'll outrun her again. And then it'll be harder than ever for her to keep me captive. I'll constantly be holding the key, and she'll be unable to steal it from me.

Hello, Goodbyes...Thank you for being temporary.

Goodbye.

Life Update for the sake of Updating

It should be noted that I am a horrible person.
It should also be noted that I ...um...start a lot of sentences without really realising where I'm going with them.
But on the note of me being a horrible person...I started this blog with the intention of updating it often and...well...giving frequent updates during said...updates.....and....and this is where the second note comes in handy. I am a horrible person because I do not update this as often as I should. Nor do I have any regimen for said updates which probably disappoints my many (read: no more than 2 - 5) readers....So, I have resolved to update more often! Preferably once a week. Weee!

Now, I could be almost completely anti-climactic and just end this entry right here...but I prefer to be a bit more verbose and ramble on about other things while occasionally gushing about something or other else.

Aright then *scans the last blog*...Updates....*makes swooshy 'I'm scanning the last entry' type noises* Oh...Wow..Yes...DnD...ha, well...I got kicked out. After only 3 sessions. Yes, because I'm too happy, I laugh too much, I'm too 'young.' It sucked, but now I'm in another group (with David! ^_^) and we're gonna start fairly soon, I just submitted my character (Chaotic-good male Half-elf Rogue!) and,well, we'll see how this one goes...

In other news, I've just (read: about 4 days ago) returned from a trip to San Francisco, Pretty City, I love it! Went to Castro/Tenderloin in Drag and also saw Avenue Q. Met up with a friend of mine named Max, and he played lotsa pretty music! And sang along, too, t'was fantastic.

I'm going to see Wicked this Saturday! I can't wait! It should prove to be fantastic, and I'll be going with David, so even more fantasticness!

Oh, yeah...I made an odd discovery...I like experimenting with how I look... I've taken to doing things to my hair a couple times. the first time I made it easier to pass as a guy. I shaved off part of the bottom/underside so that when I have my hair in my hat I have this natural looking 'end.' It looks like I have very short Beatley hair. Today I was marveling at how much I like Asymmetrical things....So, I made my hair Asymmetrical. Nothing too fancy, one side is just about an inch shorter than the other. One of those hardly noticeable things that I did more for my own enjoyment. However, I'm also tempted to get some sort of crazy-coloured hair dye and comb streaks into my hair....or change my bangs/false ends so my 'boy-hair' is a different colour. Oh well, Musings of a young teenager dressed up like Death Note's "L"

Lots of stuff happens in 2 months...Lots of crazy crazy stuff. Stuff that you wouldn't rightly think would happen, but don't regret. Some things that you do regret...And some things that you should regret, but for some strange reason you don't. Performing stereotypical cliche Adolescent actions such as staying out all day, hopping from store to store and ending up with the cutest outfit at the end of the day and not waiting more than an hour after you get home to try it all out together to staying out an extra hour after a concert and blaming it on traffic and horrible drivers. Seeing movies, being distracted from movies, ripping on movies, and drag.

From Apprehension to fear to relief, from surprise to pain to flying. From concern to investigation to success, From openness to curiosity to exploring. From experience to change to excitement, from imagination to desire to Freedom. From emotion to mentality to physicality, From longing to aching to adventure. From Light to truth to happiness, From Beauty to Bonding to Love. Yet though this list ends with love, none of it would be possible without it.

Love. Perfect love. Spiritual. Emotional. Mental. Metaphysical. Physical. Sensational! <3